Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
