mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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