if you like me you must not know who I am
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
