i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
