my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm always down for nudity.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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