question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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