Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize