I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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