i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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