I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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