I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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