k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
