im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize