I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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