We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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