I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Acid is not a monday night drug
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
