Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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