Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
