Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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