Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
