Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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