I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
