Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize