your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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