you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
