like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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