I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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