i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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