My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
