So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
