so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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