Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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