i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
