I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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