ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize