Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
