shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
