Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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