I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
