what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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