You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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