i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
