he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
