Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
