I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you win again, gameday.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
