we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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