Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
