did you get engaged???
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am puke
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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