Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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