Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
