2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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