I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize