somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
