Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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