I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
