My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
