It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
