"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
