Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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