You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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