You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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