i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize