You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
