booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
