now i know why i became what i already was.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
