I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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