I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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