Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
