I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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