you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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