you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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