I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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