im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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