Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We left an ass print on the piano.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
