this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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