is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
