Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
