So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
