I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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